So, today was a wonderful day for me. Actually beyond wonderful. I got to hang out with two of my favorite people and chill, help out, and watch a great movie. I also got to break some news and now that I have broken the news in person to these people, I can break the news here...
It's a mix of good and bad (depending on who you ask). This is one of the harder things I will write because it's still settling in my mind. But July will be my last month in Chicago. I'm not 100% sure on the exact day I'm leaving, but as of July 2013 - I will be moving to Arizona. I have my reasons and a move has been in the making for many years, but I was always too scared to do it. Now, I've made up my mind. It sucks at the timing because I feel I was just starting to get close to more people and really open up.
I have been doing my best to hold back my tears when I talk about it, but as it becomes more apparent and I'm starting to sort through things and figure out what I'm taking, it's harder to hold them back. So, if I ask you for a day to hang out, please realize that you mean something to me and I am trying to start my good-bye process with you. As it gets closer to that day, it will be harder for me to see people and that's why I will be starting soon.
I'm not sure if I will be having a going away party. I've never been good with them. I've always been one to sneak away in the middle of the night and never be seen from again. I'm trying not to do that though. So many of you have become important to me that I could never just disappear from you. Despite up and downs, despite how uncertain our relations are to one another, despite any hurt there might be - there are a few of you that I love with all my heart and I want to spend time with you and clear the air.
I posted this on my Fetlife and I feel more comfortable continuing on here. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Not only am I moving and leaving my life in Chicago behind, but I'm going by myself. I have always had a significant other waiting for me when I thought I was moving, but this time is different. I'll be staying with a friend and his wife, but I am on my own. I will have no real family to call up if I'm in trouble. I will have no one there to cuddle with and who will give me a kiss on the forehead when I need it badly. I get that some people are going to be a phone call or a text away to talk to, and that helps immensely, but there will be no one else there. I have to start from scratch again. Just as I'm getting settled in and finding my place in a group of friends, I am leaving. I wonder if that's the best.
This is a big, scary step for me. But I know that I need to do this.
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