I finally went to my first anime convention this weekend and boy, was it a bit overwhelming. For those who may not know, or may not have guessed it, I have social anxiety. I know I hide it really well and people think that I'm awesome in crowds. To an extent I am. I can also fake not being petrified, but deep down inside I am ready to run screaming. So, going to this convention was a bit too much for me, especially because I was by myself. If I have someone next to me most of the day, I'm OK because I can talk to them and ignore the crowd surrounding me. But, I was on my own!
The first day was good, I only had two small breakdowns (actually that is fucking awesome considering the number of times I was close to tears). I ended up finding a small, quiet corner and just sat down and closed my eyes. I ended up constantly texting people, so if you were one of the people I was sending message after message to, well I'm sending you a big thank you if you replied because you actually prevented me from furthering my freakouts. It also helped that I ran into one of my Kenosha Boys at con and kind of buried my face in his chest for about 5 minutes while he hugged me.
Saturday was much better for me. I ran into people I actually knew and got a few hugs. I went to some panels, made a few new friends. Then went to the burlesque show and it was AMAZINGLY awwweessoooome! :D I had a few mini meltdowns but I got the best hug from Uncle.
The last day was honestly the best for me. Though, to be fair, I was in little-mode as soon as I set foot there. I think that's the only way I was able to stay awake and not freak out at all. I ran into my amazing friend who I haven't seen since high school and spent the whole day with her. I haven't laughed like that in a while. Also, we got to talk about how much we've grown but haven't really changed. Things I had forgot about were talked about. Heck, Uncle even got to kinda hear how I was pre-kink lol. Hearing the small stories made me realize how much I have actually changed in the past few years.
Next time, I will be sure to bring someone with me or not go. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing people and being around people. I honestly like conventions of all sorts, it's just that I've always had social anxieties. There is too much stimuli for my brain to take in and too much too fast...well I start closing down and a break down starts. The best way for me to stop that from happening and get back to reality is a hug. I mean, a tug of the hair or slap would work too, but those produce a different result :P
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