Christmas Morning sadness

It's now Christmas. I'm sitting in an apartment, my roommate across the living room typing away on her laptop...and I feel so dang alone. I know I haven't been updating, I need to start getting back into that habit because it helped me so much to get things out and have people message me with their support.

So, remember that poly relationship I was in? Yea, it's no more. It didn't last very long, I don't really care to get into it but I didn't like how I was being taken advantage of and not having my needs met and having guilt pushed on me for finally getting a social life. In the end, it was best I ended things with both of them. It hurt so much, and it still does.

Also, I celebrated a year anniversary with Daddy...and recently had to part ways. He started dating someone that I still have mixed feelings about. I talked about this person before I think...the person my ex-"Dom" started a relationship with and then proceeded to leave me for, yea, that person. And I get the whole moving on with life and forgive, but don't forget. Except...I have a hard time forgiving completely. That event devastated me and drove me to almost committing suicide a few times, but I didn't because Daddy would have been so hurt. And now they're dating. It was already bad enough that I felt I wasn't getting as much attention as I used to. I was trying to keep in contact with Daddy, sending him texts, cute pictures, little care boxes, letters, etc. But it seemed that wasn't enough. Since my computer had died and I couldn't get on our normal chat client, it felt as if I was slowly being forgotten, and this happened. I think I could have braved it, but I will say it over and over again, I CANNOT SHARE MY DADDY!!! I just can't. So when I get a message about him and Ki (the other person) dating and Ki refers to him as his "papa"...I started crying like you wouldn't believe. I fell apart at work and I tried to explain how I was scared and that I was still weary because of the Ex-event. And I KNOW he isn't like my ex, but it hurted just the same. I haven't talked to either since then. Ki has since deleted me from his social media sites, which I'm oddly ok with now.

There is someone else in my life, and he's super great. The problem is, I still feel empty. No matter what I've tried, I can't seem to fill it by myself. I took up sewing again, started drawing, wrote more stories, kept a schedule of going to the gym...and I feel so dang empty still.