Making Last Memories

In a few hours, I will be seeing my sister for the last time. It will be the last memory I have of her before we bury her. As much as we fought, she is my sister. It's going to be hard because she passed hours before the 6 year anniversary of my mother's passing. This was all so sudden but thankfully I have friends who were there for me when family wasn't. When my family pushed me aside to check on everyone else, it was MY chosen family that came to me. When my family lectured me about my new responsibilities and how I have to "Woman-up", it was MY chosen family that held me, even if it was through texts and messages. I am so thankful for the wonderful people in my life right now. 

My Daddy has been so wonderful through this all, constantly checking up on me and seeing if there is anything he can do, if I want to talk, etc. He doesn't ask how any one else is doing, and I am thankful for that. I know it sounds harsh but everyone else is concerned about them, I need people to be there for just me. Then there is the wonderful Mr. Otter. He is so new in my life and yet, he's constantly making me smile and laugh during this rough time.  I was so tempted to break down  and call my ex. He had been my rock for so long and I just wanted that familiar feeling of safety; thankfully, these two wonderful men stepped up and helped me be strong. 

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Sometimes we smile through the pain

Sometimes we smile through all the hurt

Sometimes we laugh through the rough times

Sometimes we laugh through the stormy clouds

It feels like I should block it all away

Bottle it up and release it later

But that comes at a price I’m not willing to pay

So I will let it out

I will shout and scream

It feels like I should run away from it all

Pack my things and disappear

But I don’t want to leave again

So I will stay this time

I will work it out in my own way.

-Written by Inu