I really need to get better at posting. I really haven't wanted to be online though. Lately, I've been just texting and skyping with very close friends. I needed the pull away from the internet. My last post was about my sister passing. We had the viewing and burial on the same day. My father couldn't take having to wait. I don't think the family could either. A lot of people surprisingly showed up. I saw family there I hadn't seen since my grandmother passed away 10 years ago. So it had been a whole decade and here are these people, trying to hug me and ask how everyone is. I kept myself together most of the day. I smiled and made small talk. I was there to hold people's hand and walk with them to see my sister because they couldn't do it by themselves. I also had the pleasure of taking my 5 year old niece and explaining why we were there and what was going to happen. I was prepared for this, I had my story about heaven and was ready to tell her until she put her hand on my arm and straight out went, "She's in heaven, with Capone and Benji right? She has her legs and she's taking them on walks." Capone and Benji are two of our dogs that died within the past year and my sister had lost both of her legs a few years ago. At 5, she had that pure understanding. All I could do was nod as this little girl grabbed a tissue and wiped MY tears. I had been holding it all in. She took MY hand and led me to my sister. She got on that little bench, placed her hand on my sister's and said "You take care of them and they'll take care of you. No more pain." I walked away, made an excuse, grabbed my baby nephew and walked out to the couches. I got my composure back after that. I held myself together all through most of the burial too. I knew I had to be strong for my niece and my dad. I was fine. I kept telling myself I would be fine! And I was, until I stepped back and looked down. We were burying my sister at my mom's feet and something lost it. I knelt down and just cleaned my mom's headstone as much as I could. I ignored everyone else and just whispered to her. I used to visit her all the time, but things came up and I stopped going. Seeing that someone was bringing her fresh flowers stung at my heart. It was the worst feeling in the world. Other people had made time, but I couldn't. But I pulled myself together and put on a smile for all to see.
Not much else happened. The Saturday after was movie night. I had debated cancelling but knew I would need this. So, Saturday came, I was up at 6am. My friends were graduating at my alum, so I made my way over and clapped and cheered as they crossed the stage. I wish I had been able to stay longer, but I made my way over to the train and onto my pack mate's house. I should say that I was wearing high heel boots, they're comfy though, but still high heeled. So we get to the end of the train and we're trying to find our way. We arrived 30 minutes EARLY and were an HOUR late to the house lol. My feet were killing me. We kept getting sent in different directions, and then we got followed. It was also raining the whole time. Movie night was SO much fun. We got there and helped cooked the meal. It was nice to get there before it got crowded because it gave me a chance to get to know the hostess and some of the people there and keep my mind from overworking. I think the amount of wine I had also helped. I met some great people there that I hope to see again. It wasn't until later that the person I was most excited to see actually showed up. This man makes me smile so much. It was an exciting night, to say the least. Once the movies were over, there was just downtime and people talking. I got coaxed into a semi-pup state and was gnawing on someone's hand for a bit while someone else petted my head. Scritches are very nice when you're wound up lol. I felt very playful and affectionate by the end of the night. By about 1am, we said our goodbyes, and my ride and I were on our way home. I won't go into details, but a sleepover was had and I spent most of Sunday in the company of a handsome, witty, and awesome gentleman. It was very much needed.
So yea, that's about all that's happened. I plan on doing some holiday and new year related posts soon. :)
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