I really thought I was through with the whole lifestyle. I was at a point where I wasn't sure I wanted to go back into it. I wasn't sure I wanted the kind of thing I had before - I didn't want to submit to someone. But that changed with a few messages and a spur of the moment meeting. I mentioned in my last update that I would go into more of what has been happening with me in redefining who I am and what I want.
First off, I have scratched finding what I thought I wanted - Daddy Dom. I did want it, it seemed so right for me; now I have it. One of my best friends stepped up and filled that role without even trying. It has been so wonderful to have no pressure of being sexual and no pressure of wondering if he thinks I'm weird for acting how I am. I can be his little princess and show him how much he means to me. It's more than that though. He's my protector, my go-to when I am unsure. I have never felt comfortable talking to close friends about sex. Usually, they get all wound up and say some of the things I might do are slutty. He's different, he listens and doesn't judge me. I can show him a pictures of markings I got from a play session and he's telling me good job for taking it like a champ! This is the man who punched all the walls down and forced me to look at the mess and realize I couldn't just build the castle back up, I needed to recycle and let the land breathe and grow.
Then there is the sweetest girl around, who I've become so close to. She is such a sweetheart and makes me laugh all the time. I'm so used to closing off to new people and regarding them with suspicion, always wondering what their motive for talking to me is. This was different. I messaged her a few months back and we have been talking non-stop since. She really has become so close I consider her a pack mate. Without even realizing it, I had become so protective of her and wanting to take her under my wing so she could explore all the things she wants to. I also feel willing to open up to her. Any question she asks, I don't feel the need to sit and think if I what I should tell her, I just say it.
There is one more. It all started with randomly finding a picture and liking it, to a random message that never stopped. We talked and on a day of privacy, I met. I get the whole "you should meet in public for the first time" and the "be careful, you never know who the person actually is", but I'm fucking sick of it. I lived that way for so long that I was tired of it. I guess I'm naive enough still to believe that because I've had luck before in finding non-serial killers, that I would be good this time. But ya know what, I'm still alive, I'm still here. Mr. Devil (his nickname from me) is a gentleman and took things are slow as I wanted. It was really fun the first time we had a play session. It wasn't so much a scene as it was just pure, desirable, primal...sex. And it was. A. Fucking. Mazing! He may slowly bring out the old masochist in me ;p We had another play session the other day, and again - it was just amazing. It was more of us hanging out
That's really it for now. I'll be working on new stories and poems. I just need some more inspiration :)
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