So very tired

This has been a long week for me. It seems the days have dragged on. One of my nieces has been in the hospital since Sunday. I've spent the last few days overnight with her. I have talked to so many doctors and nurses, it's made my head spin. Let me say this, I don't like hospitals, they scare me. I know most people don't like hospitals, but I REALLY don't like hospitals. Every time I've had to go visit people in a hospital, they died very shortly later. I know it's not me, but it's still in my head. It makes me anxious to be in a hospital for extended time. I've brought things to keep my mind off it, but it still gets to me. I hate seeing my niece in the bed with an IV hooked up to her arm and constantly getting poked and prodded by the nurses. They came in to check up on her and change her bandage, even above the music the nurse put on her her, I cold hear my niece crying. In the room next to hers, there is an infant who will scream his/her little heart out. I haven't heard anyone other than nurses in that room since I've been here, no has anyone walked in or out of that room. I'm just so tired, I went home for a few hours yesterday to shower, sleep, and pack up some things for the night and today.

On the bright side, I have been using this time to get my mind straight and start to think of other things. I've been drawing a lot more and thinking of new things to write about. I found a paper I wrote for my Human Rights class in college and have decided to go over it again, edit and add to it, and then possibly publish it. I've also gotten a few more ideas as to stories I can write about.

 I'm hoping that once my niece is out the hospital and things are a bit more normal again, I'll be able to get out and go to local munches. I'm sick of staying inside and not having anyone to really talk to about kinks and such. Since coming to terms with my submissiveness and inner selves, it's been hard to just be me. I have to be consciously aware to not whimper and whine like a puppy. I also have to be aware to not let my little out and threw her tantrums for being lonely and bored. I know that I need to be patient though. As fun as it would to jump in and just find a random play partner to let it all out, I can't do that. I need to take my time and find someone who I can get to know and trust BEFORE I submit myself and even think of taking a collar.

Right now, I am thankful that I have the friends I do. My friend Joyl has taken me under his wing. I look up to him so much. We've been friends for about 8 years or so, and although we've had a few problems, we're still friends despite anything. He really is my best friend, I'm not afraid to tell him anything or express how I feel, even if it's "dramatic" :) After my ex and I started having problems, it was Joyl who was there telling me to be positive and do what I could to try to fix things. He was there for me when everything went to hell too. As much as people think that this would lead to romantic feelings (and I have been accused of having them), there is no such thing there. He is just my best friend. He's also taken the role of "Daddy" for now. He is my protector and mentor, he and Angel (my "Mama") have taken me as their own and watch over me. I know that I can go to either of them and tell them what's going on and ask for help. Without them, I don't think I would be doing as well as I have been.

Yep, I'm that much of a nerd that I see Joyl, Angel, & I as a family of Eevees  ^__^