What Am I Looking for?

This question seems to pop up a lot. I'm constantly asked it when trying to get general information about certain fetishes and ideas. I get this question when guys message me. So, what is it that I want? It's taken me some time to really think about this and this is what I've come up with so far. I'm sure I will be constantly updating this one post or putting up new ones as my ideas change.

As of now, these are the things I’m looking for with different relationships.

What am I looking for - in Friendships

- Someone(s) who I can just hang out with.

- Someone(s) who is a bit geeky so that we can geek out together! :D

- Loyalty - there is nothing suckier than realizing someone who you thought was a friend is not only willing to stab you in the back, but will also rub salt deep into the wound and attempt to rinse it with lemon juice.

- Realizing that fun times that can be done cheaply. There is no need to spend tons of money on nights out. A great friend is one who enjoys the random times at a park on the swings, or dancing in the street to random music.

I would love to have a group of friends that I feel completely comfortable with. Friends are my chosen family, the ones I go to for a shoulder to lean on and with fantastic news to share. They are the ones who keep me going and keep me smiling my brightest. 

What am I looking for - in a Relationship

- something that is non-monogamous. I love the thought of having that one person that I can always go home to and curl in bed with and just know that no matter what, they're there for me. That is a beautiful thought. However, I love the freedom of being able to go out and do things with other people. I like new experiences with new people. If my partner wants to watch, that’s awesome. If they want to join, even better! I get that this type of relationship isn't for everyone. I've tried the full monogamy relationship multiple times and I've come to terms that it is just not for me. 

Also, I can't do vanilla relationships. They do nothing but leave me feeling unfulfilled and wanting something more. In a perfect world I would have a loving Daddy, who would also be my Handler while I engage in pup play, and who would be a sick bastard when I'm craving days to be completely used and beaten until I am lying in a puddle of sweat, tears, and maybe even a bit of blood. I get that this is may be unlikely to have this all in one person, but it's something that I crave. I don't want to be the dominate one in a relationship. I've done that before, it really isn't me. 

What am I looking for - in Play Partners

-         Please be willing to meet in a very public place if we have not met yet. There are very few times where I am willing to meet with someone without doing this.

-         Do not expect anyone listed on my profile to be included in our play session!

-         Be willing to talk about things before hand. Limits need to be discussed and expectations should be laid out before anything happens.

-         Be ok with the fact that our play session may only be a one-time thing

Well this is all for now. Like I’ve said before, I will be updating this because I realize that I will continue to change and grow as a person and that my needs will change along with this. 

Big News

So, today was a wonderful day for me. Actually beyond wonderful. I got to hang out with two of my favorite people and chill, help out, and watch a great movie. I also got to break some news and now that I have broken the news in person to these people, I can break the news here...

It's a mix of good and bad (depending on who you ask). This is one of the harder things I will write because it's still settling in my mind. But July will be my last month in Chicago. I'm not 100% sure on the exact day I'm leaving, but as of July 2013 - I will be moving to Arizona. I have my reasons and a move has been in the making for many years, but I was always too scared to do it. Now, I've made up my mind. It sucks at the timing because I feel I was just starting to get close to more people and really open up.

I have been doing my best to hold back my tears when I talk about it, but as it becomes more apparent and I'm starting to sort through things and figure out what I'm taking, it's harder to hold them back. So, if I ask you for a day to hang out, please realize that you mean something to me and I am trying to start my good-bye process with you. As it gets closer to that day, it will be harder for me to see people and that's why I will be starting soon.

I'm not sure if I will be having a going away party. I've never been good with them. I've always been one to sneak away in the middle of the night and never be seen from again. I'm trying not to do that though. So many of you have become important to me that I could never just disappear from you. Despite up and downs, despite how uncertain our relations are to one another, despite any hurt there might be - there are a few of you that I love with all my heart and I want to spend time with you and clear the air.

I posted this on my Fetlife and I feel more comfortable continuing on here. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Not only am I moving and leaving my life in Chicago behind, but I'm going by myself. I have always had a significant other waiting for me when I thought I was moving, but this time is different. I'll be staying with a friend and his wife, but I am on my own. I will have no real family to call up if I'm in trouble. I will have no one there to cuddle with and who will give me a kiss on the forehead when I need it badly. I get that some people are going to be a phone call or a text away to talk to, and that helps immensely, but there will be no one else there. I have to start from scratch again. Just as I'm getting settled in and finding my place in a group of friends, I am leaving. I wonder if that's the best.

This is a big, scary step for me. But I know that I need to do this. 

Quick Update

This is just a quick update since I haven't been writing as much. So many things have been  happening to me that I just haven't had time to do anything else. I really have nothing to talk about; I've slowly been pulling away from kink-related things. I've become weary of the males in the scene who seem to want one thing and one thing only; and it's something I'm tired of fighting off. I want something more. Something many seem to not want to have.

I noticed that I'm also pulling away from friends, but I have no real will to stop and fix that. I am tired of going out and meeting people to do things. I'm tired of one-sided "friendships". I just feel like crap.

On a good note, I had an interview early last week. I think it went really well and my sis-in-law (who works for the agency) said that there is a high chance I have the job. So I'm really happy, especially if I get this! That's really all. I'm tired and my brain doesn't want to work lol