I really should get back into the habit of writing on my blog. It seems since moving in with my new roommate, I have no real place to vent besides my blog and tumblr. She has me friended on almost all my social media sites, so I can't be as open as I'd like, especially if it's because I'm upset or angry with her. She's really not a bad person and I don't have much bad to say about here but there are some things that she does that she is set in her ways about, even when I mention them to her and tell them that they upset me.
On the brightside, we will be moving soon. I will finally be getting my own room! It's stressful though because I've been putting all my money towards the current apartment and helping the roommate get caught up with her bills. But it seems when I am getting short on money or telling people that I am hoping I can afford I can pay my bills for the month, I get scolded about buying things that are "unnecessary". It jut ticks me off. Thankfully the roommate finally as a job and will be able to afford half the apartment bills and I won't have to fork over more. It will be nice to have extra money to save up and get a car (finally) and get a plane ticket to visit back home.
It will be nice to have my own room finally, I can actually close the door and have my own private space. A close friend is very nice and letting me have his old king size bed and frame, so I don't have to go out and get one! That's going to save me so much. I already have a dresser, and I bought a cutting table for my sewing stuff. I'm pretty much all set on furniture for myself now. The other positive about this move is that I can finally start camming for money. I was going to do it before but I had no private space, someone was always home (and my old roommies were very judgemental about sexual activities), and I will have a brand new computer soon!
That reminds me, I will be starting school this thursday. I signed up to take online classes and am going for my Master's Degree. I figured that I should go back. It gives me something to do and occupies my time. So yea...that's about all there is new. I promise to get posting more, I will be scheduling it, along with work, school, camming, sewing, and my social life lol.
<3
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Christmas Morning sadness
It's now Christmas. I'm sitting in an apartment, my roommate across the living room typing away on her laptop...and I feel so dang alone. I know I haven't been updating, I need to start getting back into that habit because it helped me so much to get things out and have people message me with their support.
So, remember that poly relationship I was in? Yea, it's no more. It didn't last very long, I don't really care to get into it but I didn't like how I was being taken advantage of and not having my needs met and having guilt pushed on me for finally getting a social life. In the end, it was best I ended things with both of them. It hurt so much, and it still does.
Also, I celebrated a year anniversary with Daddy...and recently had to part ways. He started dating someone that I still have mixed feelings about. I talked about this person before I think...the person my ex-"Dom" started a relationship with and then proceeded to leave me for, yea, that person. And I get the whole moving on with life and forgive, but don't forget. Except...I have a hard time forgiving completely. That event devastated me and drove me to almost committing suicide a few times, but I didn't because Daddy would have been so hurt. And now they're dating. It was already bad enough that I felt I wasn't getting as much attention as I used to. I was trying to keep in contact with Daddy, sending him texts, cute pictures, little care boxes, letters, etc. But it seemed that wasn't enough. Since my computer had died and I couldn't get on our normal chat client, it felt as if I was slowly being forgotten, and this happened. I think I could have braved it, but I will say it over and over again, I CANNOT SHARE MY DADDY!!! I just can't. So when I get a message about him and Ki (the other person) dating and Ki refers to him as his "papa"...I started crying like you wouldn't believe. I fell apart at work and I tried to explain how I was scared and that I was still weary because of the Ex-event. And I KNOW he isn't like my ex, but it hurted just the same. I haven't talked to either since then. Ki has since deleted me from his social media sites, which I'm oddly ok with now.
There is someone else in my life, and he's super great. The problem is, I still feel empty. No matter what I've tried, I can't seem to fill it by myself. I took up sewing again, started drawing, wrote more stories, kept a schedule of going to the gym...and I feel so dang empty still.
So, remember that poly relationship I was in? Yea, it's no more. It didn't last very long, I don't really care to get into it but I didn't like how I was being taken advantage of and not having my needs met and having guilt pushed on me for finally getting a social life. In the end, it was best I ended things with both of them. It hurt so much, and it still does.
Also, I celebrated a year anniversary with Daddy...and recently had to part ways. He started dating someone that I still have mixed feelings about. I talked about this person before I think...the person my ex-"Dom" started a relationship with and then proceeded to leave me for, yea, that person. And I get the whole moving on with life and forgive, but don't forget. Except...I have a hard time forgiving completely. That event devastated me and drove me to almost committing suicide a few times, but I didn't because Daddy would have been so hurt. And now they're dating. It was already bad enough that I felt I wasn't getting as much attention as I used to. I was trying to keep in contact with Daddy, sending him texts, cute pictures, little care boxes, letters, etc. But it seemed that wasn't enough. Since my computer had died and I couldn't get on our normal chat client, it felt as if I was slowly being forgotten, and this happened. I think I could have braved it, but I will say it over and over again, I CANNOT SHARE MY DADDY!!! I just can't. So when I get a message about him and Ki (the other person) dating and Ki refers to him as his "papa"...I started crying like you wouldn't believe. I fell apart at work and I tried to explain how I was scared and that I was still weary because of the Ex-event. And I KNOW he isn't like my ex, but it hurted just the same. I haven't talked to either since then. Ki has since deleted me from his social media sites, which I'm oddly ok with now.
There is someone else in my life, and he's super great. The problem is, I still feel empty. No matter what I've tried, I can't seem to fill it by myself. I took up sewing again, started drawing, wrote more stories, kept a schedule of going to the gym...and I feel so dang empty still.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Updated
Wow it's been a while since I last posted. There are many updates that I have in store for you. Ya'll know about the google and adult blogs drama, so I don't need to go into that. It didn't affect me, but if things keep going the way they are in Internet Land, they soon will. I'm just working my way through, still finding a place to settle down and call my "blog home". It seems that no matter where I write, I end up getting this feeling like I need to censor myself because of what my readers may think.
I have a new tumblr. Well I have a few actually. One is for my more vanilla life, I have one dedicated to just my stories and poems, and then another to my kink life. If anyone is interested, I can always link ya to them.
Things have really changed for me lately. I'm back in a poly relationship. It's so weird that I was willing to try again, given my last crack at it. But it's great so far. Wolf is younger but hey, who cares! Him and Kitten are so wonderful. It's still a new relationship and we're all trying to settle down and find our roles, but I have a feeling this one will last. I've become super protective of the two, even though I'm only in a relationship with Wolf.
Also, I moved to Arizona and am now looking for work out here. It's a good change for me. I"m sad to be so far from Wolf, but it's for the best right now. I need to get my life on track and start saving for a decent future for us. Well that's it for now. Time for dinner!
I have a new tumblr. Well I have a few actually. One is for my more vanilla life, I have one dedicated to just my stories and poems, and then another to my kink life. If anyone is interested, I can always link ya to them.
Things have really changed for me lately. I'm back in a poly relationship. It's so weird that I was willing to try again, given my last crack at it. But it's great so far. Wolf is younger but hey, who cares! Him and Kitten are so wonderful. It's still a new relationship and we're all trying to settle down and find our roles, but I have a feeling this one will last. I've become super protective of the two, even though I'm only in a relationship with Wolf.
Also, I moved to Arizona and am now looking for work out here. It's a good change for me. I"m sad to be so far from Wolf, but it's for the best right now. I need to get my life on track and start saving for a decent future for us. Well that's it for now. Time for dinner!
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